Grandparenting

   I am feeling the need to be brutally honest here. One week and five days ago one of the most relevant people in my life died. My aunt. She was a very special person, inside and out. Having her gone  leaves me feeling very alone in this world. She was the person I could share my thoughts, fears, dreams, frustrations and questions with, without fear of judgment. I am extremely sad, and in the realm of deep grieving.
    Two very special people had birthdays last week, which we were not able to celebrate until today. I wasn't feeling exactly up to entertaining, but knew it was the right thing to do, and looked forward to it as much as possible under the circumstances.
     For whatever reason, my youngest child decided this was the particular event to go totally wild at. Before dinner there were antics, but during dinner he had to be removed from the room for total disrespect of everyone present.
    This would not be that unusual of an event, but I am 60. It would have been stressful at 20 something, but at 60 it is exhausting.
     I adore my child, and an so blessed to have him in my life, and my home. However, raising a child at this age is a task that is not for sissies. the physical endurance required is not to be underestimated. The emotional toll is almost overwhelming. The care required to raise this little boy takes just about everything I have, which brings me back to a day full of guests. There are emotions involved in inviting my family over, when I know that I am going to be almost totally wrapped up with a four year old. To say that I don't feel guilty would be a total lie. I have other grandchildren, and grown children that now have to take a back seat due to the time and effort required to raise a small child at this stage in life.
   Adoption is always a big deal, but adopting a grandchild brings into play many complicated scenarios. First, it means that I am older. Especially since this is the child of my youngest biological child, and he being my fifth biological child. Second, it means that I felt it necessary to claim that my own son was not taking care of his child. Third, it means that my adopted child will someday realize that my youngest son is his bio-dad.

     Anyway, that is not really what is on my mind at this moment. What is really on my mind is the tremendous sacrifice that not only my husband and I have made, but the new realities all of our grown children have to deal with.