Reality

In reading over and over again the thoughts and feelings of others who are raising their grandchildren, it becomes painfully clear how deeply affected we all are. Regardless of how much we love and care for our children, our lives as we knew them are gone. We make the ultimate sacrifice (and I'm calling BS on anyone who doesn't agree that parenting is the ulitmate sacrifice). All the joy and happiness that accompanies raising a child is overshadowed with feelings of uncertainty and sometimes guilt. Our relationships change, our time with other family members is lessoned, our energy is zapped, our birth children have varying degrees of thoughts and feelings about what has happened, and the list goes on and on. What doesn't often come to the forefront (because it is ugly) is the anger that we sometimes feel towards those who didn't step up for their kids. They can now kick up their heels, live a foot loose and fancy free existence, while we deal with all that comes with parenting (every single day). Do we regret the choice we made, most days not. Most days we couldn't imagine our life without this little person we are raising, but some days, well, let's just say that some days are tough.... Mostly, those of us joining this league, are doing so because of someone else's addiction. It's as complicated, as well as simple, as that. What the addict doesn't realize, is that their addiction will forever change the life of their child, as well as that of whoever it is that is raising said child. Now, the child has to answer unending questions from their peers. "Is that your mom"? "Is that your Gramma"? " Where is your real mom? Do you ever see her? Why not? What does adoption mean? Why don't you live with your mom? Why didn't your mom want you?" These are all questions we have heard many many times, and sometimes they are questions that the child just doesn't want to answer. Since just writing this is causing a flood of emotion that I don't want to deal with right now, I am going to close. God bless us, each and every one...

Today is Good

Today is good. Even though my child has strep throat for the second time in three weeks. He is alive, he is happy, he is in a great home, he has a best friend right across the street, he has a mom and dad who adore him. He has a warm home in the winter, and a cool one in the summer. He has plenty of healthy food to eat. He has a regular schedule and a regular bedtime. There is a solid roof over his head. I wish every child born into this world had the safety and love that my child has. I wish children weren't exposed to so much stuff.i wish things were still more simple, like they were in the 1950's. Now, I am retired, so my child always comes home after school to his mommy. That is wonderful! So, today really is good!!!!!

Kindergarten (again)

My baby starts Kindergarten tomorrow. My first child started kindergarten in 1979. A lot has changed since then. Kids seem older at a younger age. Teachers don't have the resources they used to have. All I know is my heart is going to be left behind when I give a kiss and say goodbye. I am going to trust the teacher to care for him, and listen to him. (Hopefully he will listen to her). I don't like seeing my little guy growing up. It is happening too fast. Raising him feels like it's on borrowed time, which I never felt the first time around. He is so precious to me. He is my little prince.

This I know to be true.....

Parenthood

    Today, it struck me that there should be a place for struggling parents to go for help and support. Something like a twelve step program, to give help, strength, understanding, fellowship and hope.
   Being the parent of a child who appears on the outside to be flaw free, but on the inside has challenges to overcome, had opened up the truth about just how isolating that can be.
    It has become apparent to me that there are several other parents of kids at our school who have similar issues. They struggle, just like me....
    There have been few mornings this pre-k year that my child and I have not parted with great anxiety. It isn't the end of the world.by any means, but living it day after day is frustrating, confusing, exhausting, embarrassing  and just plain hard. Some days it takes hours to shake the picture of him clinging to me begging me not to go.
   I have witnessed  other parents going through different, but consistent  struggles with their little ones.
    Just to be heard, even if not understood can be so helpful. I feel sorry that it has taken me the whole year to really notice the need for a support group.
   The simple truth is, not all kids are easy to manage.

Reality in the fullest.

   When I was a very young adult, my grandfather shared some startling news with me. It was so startling that I remember it as if it was yesterday.
   This was a man that almost always had a smile on his face, and a twinkle in his eye. He loved to play with us when we were kids, and I believed he never had a care in the world. He had a very positive attitude. He had been successful in his career, had a nice life, good kids, a successful marriage, and the whole bit.
   This is what he shared. He first told me that getting old was "hell". Then he proceeded to tell me that even though on the outside he appeared as an older person, on the inside he felt exactly as he had when he was 18. That if he didn't know better, he would believe he was still the same young man.
   At the time, I actually didn't believe him. Although I had never known him to lie, I felt he must be making all of it up.
   Now fast forward 30 years. Now I am experiencing his words from his side of the equation. Now I realize what he told me was exactly right an d true. Aging is an oddity, for although the outside changes drastically, the inside remains relatively unchanged.
   Thank you grampa for your truth, and for sharing it with me, even though at the time I was far to young to understand.

My opinions today.

There are so many things to think about while raising a child today. I don't agree with the current attitude of the education system. It seems to me that nowadays people want their kids plugged in and full of learning as soon as they leave the womb. The thought of not putting a kid in pre-k would be unheard of. Heaven forbid they should be behind in anything. However, the brillance of minds is everywhere. Our society has lunged forward with technology as never before. Funny, I'll bet many of the brilliant people in the world didn't start school until they were five. I have one child that is a doctor. She happens to be the only one who disliked preschool so much that I took her out and kept her home until kindergarten. Then, after one or two teary eyed mornings, she soared. With this being said, I haven't touched on my greatest fear....the effect it is going to have on my youngest child when he realizes that neither of his parents cared enough about him to put him first. That trulty breaks my heart....